Angels on Earth

 When you blink your eyes and suddenly cannot recognize your own world, God takes the wheel and does the steering. When you have no idea how to get through the next moment, He sends people rushing to your side to carry you into the new hour of your life. Looking back over the year proceeding Logan's death, I can see so clearly the hand of God already working to soften the blow of his leaving us. When I look at the minutes, the hours, the days and the weeks that followed, I have no doubt He sent in an army of angels to shoulder much of the weight of our grief. I cannot imagine how we'd have lived to see September 4th, 2011, without the selfless people who reached out to us.

From the moment we got the news, people were there to carry us home. By droves, they arrived in our yard to offer their condolences and assistance with everything from chores to housework to fieldwork to funeral planning. They arrived bearing trays and crock pots and pans and casserole dishes of food. Some people were lifelong friends, some we knew casually, some we barely knew at all. People flagged us down on the highway, stopped us in the store, called us on the phone, sent us heartfelt words of sympathy in the mail. It was all so stunning. Humbling. I stood and watched and wondered where people get their courage. Before Logan died, I would have hesitated to stop someone and express my sympathies. I'd have balked at knocking on somone's door to bring a casserole. I thought my discomfort would have caused more distress...probably mostly for me. However, I think it the person who struggles with words, who breaks down in tears over a boy the hardly knew, who just stops by to look you in the eye to say, "I am just so sorry", these are the sentiments I remember most. I hope that I have lost my fear of me. I think of my dad and wonder at how he was never afraid to drive into a person's yard and hobble to the door to say, "I heard about your loss. I'm real sorry". Then he'd give them a little money or a loaf of bread, and hobble back to the truck. He'd offer his vehicle to anyone who needed a way to get around for awhile. He'd show up and combine their corn or bale their hay. It was his way of easing the grief. I wish I'd known then how amazing he was. I hope I'm more like him now that I've seen his kind of angel show up at my door during our darkest hour to offer us hope.